My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I could fuck to npr.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
