I think I am morally bankrupt
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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