the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
