her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
