just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
