My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize