dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
