tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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