So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
