And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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