I wannas sexs uuuuu
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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