dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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