So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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