I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize