Pappa wants mamma naked
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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