One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
