Kiss
Puke
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
