Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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