Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize