I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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