Nicole vs. Life
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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