it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize