Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize