I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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