I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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