I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
