Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
