If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize