I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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