talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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