his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
