yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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