Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
