dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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