some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
