you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
