i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
