can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
