How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
