I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
