yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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