yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
