i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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