gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you mean i was at the winter classic?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
