from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
