It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
