Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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