We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
