Buhtt sex?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
