the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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