I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
