Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
