Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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