I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
