He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
