i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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