so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
