I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
