wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
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