dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
