He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
