my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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