I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
