so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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