Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
