He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
