Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
they call him Oral-B. enough said
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize