That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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