please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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