remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
