Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
