I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
