good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
