Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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