he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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