I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
