That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
