I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize