is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
