Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
