Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
