Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
