whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize