i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
