I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
