We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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