im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize