Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How's work?
Spinning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
