Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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