I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
