3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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