i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
