I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize