shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
