Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
