Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
