the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize