sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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